Eulogy for Linda Ann Facey 11th April 1958 to 18th October 2020 Entrance : The Sound Of Silence - Simon & Garfunkel Good afternoon. My name is Liza and on behalf of John, Richard and Laura, Kana and Josh, I welcome you here today, not only where we will have to say our sad goodbyes, but also when we will remember and celebrate the life of Linda Ann Facey, a lady devoted to her family and good friend to you all. Whilst there are no words to ease the sense of loss that you feel and today, as we mourn her passing, we will also remember and celebrate all that Linda was and will remain to each and every one of you. In normal times, many more would have been here to pay their respects and share memories but of course, we are not living in normal times and we also therefore welcome everyone watching via webcast today. Linda was born in Liverpool on the 11th April 1958 to Joan and Reginald Moorcroft. Linda was the Middle child and had an older brother Leslie and a younger sister Karen. They lived at 7 Fell street where Linda, for most of her early life shared a bedroom and bed with Karen. Supported by Joan and Reginald, Linda, Leslie and Karen all did exceptionally well for the area and achieved excellent grades with Karen and Linda attending the Liverpool Blackburn house grammar school for girls. Linda, in her final years at the school, achieved the status of head girl which was quite an honours and she stayed in Liverpool until the completion of her degree in Social Studies. When Linda graduated in 1980, she left Liverpool and moved to Crawley to work for the Charity United Response, organisers of “Lantern Houses for the Mentally Handicapped”. She worked with the managers John and Sandra to provide independent living support for the residents and John and Sandra also became very good close friends. While living in Crawley, Linda met her husband John, who during his industrial year while doing a Chemical Engineering degree came to share a house with Linda, Sara and Ozza. Karen, Linda’s sister also lived in Crawley and Linda had stayed with Karen when initially moving to Crawley. Looking for a replacement lodger, Linda had voted for a fireman; fortunately for us all, Linda was outvoted by Sara and Ozza and John joined them in the house. In January 1982 Linda and John started dating and became a lifelong couple, with their first kiss at the new year’s party. When John was first introduced to Regi, Joan and the rest of the family in Liverpool, he was in trouble at the first meeting as he hadn’t joined in the conversation enough during that first meeting. However all was forgiven when John’s explanation was offered … “Everybody talks at once and there are no gaps to get a word in!” After some training by Linda, John was able to communicate and accepted as part of the family. Linda often joked about her education which included elocution lessons and would often recite one of the practice pieces with and without a thick Liverpudlian accent as required. “My papa drove a jaguar and he drove rather fast, through castles and barns and country farms; papa goes whizzing past” Needless to say, John enjoyed all of Linda’s renditions and the North South difference was also noted when on one occasion during a visit to the family in Liverpool, Joan said to Linda “doesn’t, he swear posh”. While in Crawley during this period Linda also went out and bought a Springer Spaniel puppy called Muffin, even though she had little money and in the rented accommodation they shared, strictly speaking, pets weren’t allowed! Fortunately, with the friendship with John and Sandra, Linda was able to take Muffin to work with her and so Muffin accompanied her everywhere. Muffin was the first love of Linda’s life with John a close second. John and Linda became engaged in the Summer of 1983 and were married in Liverpool on the 7th April 1984 at the St Cyprian With Christ Church in Toxteth. Attending the wedding were all the friends and family, also invited were the residents from the residential home from Crawley, accompanied by colleagues and all had a great time. Linda always said that it was the only wedding reception she has seen where the dance floor was filled from the start! After graduating, John’s first job was in Cheltenham; Linda and Muffin joined him after the wedding and Linda started a new job working as an assistant manager in the Merrodown care home in Cheltenham. With Linda’s compassion, energy and personality, she quickly made many new friends. Linda and John were able to buy their first home at 5 Francis Street, Leckhampton in Cheltenham. It gave Linda great pleasure during the purchase of their first house when the mortgage lender made the sexist error of assuming the man was the major wage earner and had to amend the form during discussion with Linda - when she corrected him that she was the higher earner! Linda worked at Merrodown and learned a lot from the manager Paul, including the premise that “interaction affected outcome and the outcome was the goal”. Linda applied this philosophy for the rest of her life and it is a lesson she also passed to others. In a relatively short time Linda became the manager of the home. At this time she also completed all of her professional certifications in social services and true to form, whilst she was on the course, Linda made close friendships with Carrol and Deb whom she kept in contact with for the rest of her life. In 1988 John’s work changed and it was necessary to move to Gosport. Linda was sad to leave Merrodown and Cheltenham as she had made many very good friends. To show the loss they felt when Linda left, a colleague wrote this heart felt appropriate poem for her. Linda has kept it safe to this day and Richard will now share that poem with you : A SAD FAREWELL It’s hard to find the words to say Because you’re leaving us today. You took upon a mighty task But could not please us all, alas. You did your best and it was great For Merrowdown was in a state. You wiped away the many years. Of stiff staff training, sweat and tears. You set upon a new approach To Guide us were we needed most. Of tasks we will succeed upon You sowed the seeds to grow upon By your example most of all You’re first in line whatever for. No matter what the job will call You never make no Fuss at all. You never say “Well I’m the boss” Right from the start you made it clear Your name was Linda for none to fear. You knocked down the wall Between them and us And so to Linda From all of us Farewell, we will not forget you None of us. ************************************************************* Joy Wheeler Merrowdown 1989 Linda joined John in their new home at 18 Bentham Road Gosport, in March 1989 and 2 weeks later on their 5th wedding anniversary the 7th April 1989 Linda gave birth to Richard, their first child. Linda was able to stay at home with Richard and Muffin and on the 9th May 1992 Linda gave birth to their beautiful daughter Laura. The family bought a Bedford camper van originally purchased so that Linda and Richard could join John windsurfing around the country; Linda, John, Richard, Laura and Muffin spent many happy days by the sea and in the New Forest in the Bedford camper van. Unfortunately, in 1993 work required John to transfer to Glasgow and the family- Linda, John, Richard, Laura and Muffin all moved to a new home at 5 McLachlan Place Helensburgh. Linda again was able to make many new friends and the family enjoyed the time spent in Scotland, swimming, cycling, sailing, walking and spending time with friends and family who came to visit. Unfortunately, Muffin died in Scotland and in 1995 again due the work, the family returned to Gosport to their new home 162 Clayhall Road which has remained as the family home to this day. In May 1997 Linda started part time work as an inspection and registrations officer for Hampshire county council. Again, with her energy, enthusiasm, compassion and commitment, Linda made many new friends and was passionate and dedicated to improving the lives of those she served in her work. She also became a governor at the infant school. You will all have so many wonderful memories of times spent with Linda; you can now reflect on those memories and, if you have a faith, this is an opportunity to say a quiet prayer as we listen to two legendary tracks chosen specially for this moment and look at some treasured family photographs. Reflection : Wild World - Cat Stevens and Hotel California - The Eagles While on an activity holiday in Finikounda in 2001 Linda first experienced abdominal pain and following a number of visits to the Doctors, she was diagnosed with advanced, Stage 3 carcinoma of the ovary and underwent surgery and a course of chemotherapy- 6 cycles from August to November with Carboplatin and Pacliataxol. (PACK-LEE-A-TAX-OL) Linda had subsequent reoccurrence and further chemotherapy: The treatment continued over the ensuing years.... In 2002 - 6 cycles to November with Treosulfan (TREE-O-SUL-FAN) and Gemcitabine (GEM-SIGH-TO-BEEN) In 2004 - 8 cycles to April 2005 with Treosulfan and Gemcitabine In 2006 – 6 cycles to November with Granisetron (GRANNY-SETRON) and Dexamethasone And in 2007 – Linda received 5Gy radiotherapy to the Pelvis from July to August. During these cycles of treatment on the 31st January 2004 Linda took early medical retirement from her work to be able to spend more time with her family. Throughout this period Linda always maintained her compassionate and very positive outlook on life, as always, thinking of others and after retiring from work, Linda volunteered and was selected for the Samaritans, undergoing the necessary training and took shifts to man the phone lines overnight. Linda has always been an excellent listener and was able to use her listening skills to support people during the most difficult time of their lives. Linda maintained active involvement in many of the children’s clubs and activities between and during treatment, helping to run the Cadet program at Stokes Bay sailing club and managing the junior section of the Gosport Ice Hockey club, with both of these over a significant number of years. Linda loved life and the water and took every opportunity to sail, swim and windsurf when not on treatment along with a host of other activities with her family and friends. Linda was able to have many wonderful family Holidays in Rome, Turkey, Greece, Grenada, and Florida. In 2006 she was able to discover the incredible joy of a holiday in the Maldives with John. She was able to swim with and see Manta at close quarters over a Manta cleaning station, swim with Turtles, Sharks and a breath-taking array of marine life. Following the holiday and this newfound passion for experiencing marine life, Linda’s wish was to be able to share this experience with her family. Linda was always adventurous and in 2008 for her 50th Birthday, Linda arranged a skydive -something she had always wanted to do, and the joy and experience was recorded on film to share with others. The radiotherapy turned out to be very effective providing remission from the cancer for 8 years. Linda took the opportunity to make to most of this time and volunteered to be a patient representative in helping to prepare and provide patient perspective input to the NICE Guidelines for diagnosing and managing ovarian cancer. She took great pride in this valuable work helping to ensure appropriate and effective patient input for the team preparing the guidelines. Once published, Linda helped to promote awareness of the guidelines and the necessary tests required for early diagnosis and treatment of Ovarian cancer for other women. She appeared and spoke on national radio in 2011and also in prominent articles in prestigious papers such as The Independent, The Guardian, The Times and Sunday Times, promoting the implementation of the NICE Guidelines. Linda also returned to part time work securing a job at the Macmillan Centre in Portsmouth’s QA Hospital. She again was able to bring her wealth of skills and experience in supporting others affected by Cancer, listening and supporting with compassion and understanding, helping many people to cope with the diagnosis, treatment and living with Cancer. Linda and John also were able to holiday with their good friends Dave and Louise in Mexico on a number of occasions and in 2014 on “Roberts tours”, Linda was again able to indulge her love of the water, swimming with Wale sharks, Seals, Turtles, and seeing many other wales in their natural habitat at close quarters. Linda was able to see and support her children to grow and blossom into wonderful compassionate people. She loved to watch Richard play Ice Hockey and was able to see him in Banff Canada when he was younger and later attend most of the home games when Richard played for the Isle of White Raiders and the Gosport Devils. Linda enjoyed the whole experience including the Fast Cat ride to the Isle of Wight to watch the games. Linda loved to see Laura perform in the School Blood Brothers musical performance and was so proud when Laura qualified as a Nurse, a job which Laura loves. Linda loved her family deeply, and when her mother developed dementia, Linda convinced her to move into the family home. Linda cared for her Mum here and did so with exceptional patience, kindness and love until her death in 2014. After 8 years the Cancer returned – July 2015. Linda was referred to the Royal Marsden Hospital. In September 2015, before treatment commenced, Linda was able to return to Kuredu in the Maldives with her Family, John, Laura, Richard and Kana and took great joy in fulfilling her wish of sharing the experience of swimming with Manta, sharks, Turtles, stingray, large eels and the staggering array of marine life in this island paradise, with her children. In November and December 2015 Linda received a course of treatment using Cyberknife at the Royal Marsden Hospital which is a sophisticated robotic targeted radiotherapy system. Unfortunately, the treatment was only partially successful with evident recurrence of cancer by March 2016. In October 2016 Linda commenced her 5th Course of Chemotherapy. Following treatment she was able to benefit from recent advances in ovarian cancer treatment and embarked on a course of the Parp inhibiter “Olaparib” from February 2017. Linda had another 20 months free from the Cancer and made the most of every minute but by October 2018, she had again shown relapse. Linda was again able to embark on a number of shared water sports and activity holidays in Sardinia, Corsica, Lemnos and Rhodes with friends and family. It was always apparent that Linda loved life, swimming and the water and was able to share that joy and experience with friends and family. Linda was also able to share wonderful holidays experience in Venice, and Florence with John, and later return to Venice with her sister Karen. In January 2018 Linda was able to attend and participate in the joy of Richard’s wedding to Kana and share the treasured memories, with family and friends. In November 2018 Linda then commenced her 6th Course of Chemotherapy. In August 2019 Linda was again able to return to the Maldives -Olhuveli with her family, John, Laura, Richard, Kana and Josh. This was a wonderful holiday and another opportunity to again be able to have the shared and incredible experience of swimming with Dolphins, Manta, sharks, Turtles, marine life and the sheer beauty of another island paradise. This was a wonderful opportunity to share these experiences and lifelong memories with her family. By September 2019 Linda had again shown relapse and in December 2019 she commenced what was to be her 7th and Final course of Chemotherapy – Cisplatin (SIS-PLATIN) – Etoposide. Linda was able to attend and participate in Laura’s wedding to Josh and danced the night away amongst loved ones. Linda gave life everything she had to give; she made the most of meeting with friends and family in the garden in the midst of covid restrictions and, as always, Linda was there to listen, share, and support close friends and family extending those precious moments with her. Near the end of her life Linda had the support, and a short stay at the Rowans Hospice for pain management and the Rowans Hospice at Home service, along with the district Nurses that supported Linda to fulfil her wish to die peacefully at home with her family. Linda appreciated over the many years the compassion and commitment from the many Doctors, Nurses and heath professional who helped her to live such a long and happy life with ovarian cancer. Because Linda was who she was, over the years she had made many close friends who battled with Cancer and attended too many funerals. One of the Poems that resonated with Linda was this short poem that I would like to share with you now. Miss Me But Let Me Go When I come to the end of the day And the un has set for me. I want no rites in a gloom-filled room Why cry for a soul set free? Miss me a little, but not too long, And not with your head bowed low. Remember the love we once shared. Miss me but let me go. For this is a journey we all must take. And each must go alone. It’s all part of the makers plan. A step on the road to home. When you are lonely and sick of heart. Go to the friends we know. And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds. Miss me but let me go. Many people thought Linda talked a lot and she did talk quite a lot, which is a family trait. But those who really knew and loved Linda, knew her real strength (and it was a strength) was that she was a great listener. She was insightful, caring and companionate. Linda was a deeply loving, generous and unusually kind. Linda loved life, her family and friends and we know Linda will be with us in our hearts and memories because there is only one Linda. Following Linda’s death, we were prompted to watch again after many years, the video of Linda’s 50th Birthday skydive. We would like to share this short video with you as it was embarked upon as Linda lived her life, with tremendous enthusiasm, joy and energy that radiates and infects others. Linda’s 50th birthday skydive Linda was an exceptional friend, auntie, sister, wife and mother and will be deeply missed and carried always in our hearts. Committal : Linda, it is now sadly our time to say our final goodbyes to you. You were and always will be so admired, respected, liked and so very much loved and our only heartfelt wish for you now is that you may forever rest and sleep peacefully and yet, your memory, your character and your spirit will forever live on in the hearts and in the minds of those you loved and will always love you. As we leave and in a lasting tribute to Linda, we will listen to a song that, as you remember her strength of character over many years of gruelling treatment, always maintaining her positivity and zest for life, will forever resonate with you ‘Live Like You Were Dying’. Leaving to : Live Like You Were Dying - Tim McGraw (dnc)